Archive for February, 2013

Can you name this strange old tool? Do you know what it is?

Thought you would enjoy this educational moment in American history. Can you name this strange old tool?  Do you know what it is?
Tobacco Smoke Enemas (1750s – 1810s)
The tobacco enema was used to infuse tobacco smoke into a patient’s rectum for various medical purposes, primarily the resuscitation of drowning victims.

A rectal tube inserted into the anus was connected to a fumigator and bellows that forced the smoke into the rectum.

The warmth of the smoke was thought to promote respiration.

Doubts about the credibility of tobacco enemas led to the popular phrase “blowing smoke up your ass.”
Amazingly, it is still in constant use in Washington, D.C., by the best Senators and Representatives that money can buy.
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Let’s play pin the brain on the moron.

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Kerry ?? Are you serious ???

 

> Kerry ?? Are you serious ???

> I had a dream last night.

> There sat the dog faced John Kerry before the Senate confirmation
> hearings for his appointment to Secretary of State.
>
> After the Chair had praised his vast “Diplomatic Experience”…
> Followed by praise for his integrity, honorable service, etc. He
> finally  turns the hearing over to the rest of the panel for
> questioning… and here  is where my dream turned to fantasy… For in
> my dream… the first Republican Senator to ask a question starts like
> this:
>
> Senator.your life story is a long and storied one.well known
> throughout the world…and the Chair has praised your integrity and
> diplomatic experience… I’d  like to start by asking you to once
> again describe your famous Christmas Eve, – secret mission into
> Cambodia … Which I find most interesting since you weren’t even in
> SE Asia  during the Christmas time of year?
> Then I would like to ask… is consorting with our nations enemies
> part of your Diplomatic Experience”… Like North Vietnam while we were at
> war?
> The Sandinista’s while we were engaged in conflict in Central America ?
> The butcher Assad and Saddam Hussein in the Middle East . and the
> Russians and Chinese when we  were engaged in the Cold War?
> And would you explain to us how you recruited your fellow “Winter
> Soldiers”
> to come and testify before Congress about atrocities committed by our
> American Soldiers and Marines. when most of the so called witnesses
> you recruited. were never even in the military or had ever gone to
> Vietnam?
> Remind us of your eye witness accounts of our Vietnam Veterans as
> being as ruthless as the hordes of Gangues Khan? Tell us when and
> where you observed that first hand Senator Kerry?  And then I’d like
> to know why your citations for your Silver Stars were signed by a
> Secretary of the
> Navy… years and years after the war was over?   And also, is it true as
> charged by eye witnesses… Your Purple Hearts were as a result of
> your own incompetence? Friendly fire by your own hand?
>
> These are just some of the  questions I have… and should be answered
> before your confirmation. And in my dream… I was cheerleading the line
> of   qestioning and thinking subconsciously.  “Ask why he couldn’t pass
> the Bar Exam… if he is so brilliant”?
> “Ask him why he parked his boat in Rhode Island … Was it to avoid
> taxes on it in his home state”?
> “Ask him how he has accumulated such grand wealth on the salary of a
> Senator”?  “Is it true that your wealth was derived by marrying
> homely, if not downright, butt ugly…  rich heiresses and widows”?
> “And ask him why the men who served with him in Vietnam …
> universally hate his guts… along with 99.9% of all Vietnam Veterans”?
> “Ask him if it is true that of all the men and women in the U.S.
> Senate, he is known to be the most egotistical? Only his good  buddy,
> John McCain comes close.  A man who also married well… Birds of a
> feather”?
>
> And then I woke up! Ain’t gonna happen… Politicians are  gutless!
> But I have to ask myself?  Is this the face America wants to  present
> to the rest of the world?  A man who has made a career of lies, falsehoods
> and deceit?
> I can think of no  human being… who symbolizes the term; “Ugly American”
> more than John Kerry. A liar, a phony, arrogant, piece  of human dog
> squeeze if there ever was one! Is this a man we should be  proud to be
> hailed as a “Great American”?
>
> Can any foreign leader ever trust a single word out of this man’s mouth…
> when it is documented that he has lied to his own countrymen… time
> after time after time… Is this the best we have to offer? In a perfect
> world.
> this man wouldn’t even be considered for “Dog Catcher”… even though
> he did manage to capture two in his lifetime.  He is an insult… a
> mortal insult… to all who have served.
>
> This is not sent for discussion. If you agree, forward it …  If you
> don’t, delete it. By me forwarding it, you know how I feel.
>
> — Ed Schriber , Col. USMC (Ret.) “Semper Fi”

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A cowboy named Bud

(Author unknown)
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous
pasture in Montana , when suddenly, a brand-new BMW advanced toward him
out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan®
sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy,
“If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd,
will you give me a calf?”

Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer,
connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA
page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an
exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA
satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and
exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany …

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image
Has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL®
Database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his
Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
Miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You
Have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with
Amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what
Your business is, will you give me back my calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re a Congressman for the U.S. Government”, says Bud.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even
Though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already
Knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars’ worth
Of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you
Don’t know a thing about how working people make a living – or about
Cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.

Now give me back my dog.

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