American Liberals sneaking into Canada

Subject: Manitoba Herald on our recent election Date: Saturday, November
6, 2010, 2:46 PM  From The Manitoba Herald by Clive Runnels
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has
intensified this week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the
illegal immigration. The results of the recent election is prompting an
exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to
hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck.  Canadian
border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields
at night. “I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a
Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red
Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold,
exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some
free-range chicken.  When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even
got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?  In an effort to stop the
illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled
them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the
fields.  “Not real effective,” he said. “The liberals still got through
and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn’t give any milk.
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals
near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive
them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves.”
A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an
Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single
bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley
Cabernet, though.”  When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across
the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from
conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to
build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic
beer and watch NASCAR races.  In recent days, liberals have turned to
ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior
citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After
catching a half-dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian
immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed
senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they
were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on
The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age” an
official said.    Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal
immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all
the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but
the Canadian economy just can’t support them.” an Ottawa resident said.
“How many art-history majors does one country need?”

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