Open Letter to Mexican President Felipe Calderon

Satire
by John W. Lillpop

On May 19,
Mexican President Calderon will attend a state dinner at the White House hosted by President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama.

President
Obama has been asked to present the following letter to President Calderon when
they meet
.

May 19, 2010

Dear
President Calderon:

As you are no doubt aware, America the Great
is quickly becoming America the Gray. The so-called "boomer"
generation, comprised
of scores of millions of formerly productive Americans, will soon reach
retirement age.

As they age, U.S. boomers yearn for a less
frantic pace—and a lifestyle that allows one to pause and smell the
roses now and again.

In other words, boomers are looking for the
"Good Life" which is supposed to accrue to those who work 45 years, pay
ungodly amounts in taxes, raise a family, put children through college,
and baby-sit the grandchildren.

Unfortunately, the United
States is no longer hospitable to graying citizens, especially now that quality health care for
seniors has been all but eviscerated by the phenomenon known as
ObamaCare, which holds that anyone over 45 is a greater threat to
America than an Al-Quaeda sleeper cell.

As a result of these
oppressive, Marxist changes, boomers have decided to move to your Mexico.

We know
that the Mexican government is a strong supporter of open borders and
liberal immigration
policies
, as least with respect to migrations from
Mexico to America. Accordingly, U.S. boomers anticipate that our needs
and wishes will be fully accommodated with minimal interference and
bureaucratic hassle.

In plain English, we expect to be treated
like upscale Mexican citizens, with all the perks and advantages
attendant thereto.

Incidentally, we prefer to be called "undocumented
boomers."

President Calderon, I am delighted to
announce that scores of millions of undocumented boomers are headed to
Mexico!

Viva America!

Current plans call for about
500,000 of us to cross the border into Mexico each month, starting July
4, 2010.

As with any complex transition, there are several
"ground rules" that must be followed in order to make this transfer of
wealth seamless.

Accordingly, your attention is directed to the
following items:

1. Mexican
sovereignty, borders, and immigration
laws
are essentially null and void with respect to us, the
undocumented boomers.

Please advise your authorities that no
attempt should be made to enforce said restrictions on good hearted,
formerly hard- working Americans.

2. Undocumented boomers are to
receive unlimited education, food, housing, legal assistance, and geriatric care on
demand, the cost of which is to be borne solely by Mexican taxpayers.

3.
Mexican hospitals, medical clinics, and emergency rooms shall be
obligated to meet the medical needs of all undocumented boomers, without
regard to ability to pay.

This obligation shall not be limited
or restricted in any way because of any real or imagined negative impact
on Mexico’s medical systems, including the loss of vital services to
Mexican citizens.

4. Although we are not obligated to pay for
medical services received, we are entitled to send $50-100 billion back
to the United States each year. The Mexican government will actively
facilitate such transfers of funds to our loved ones in America.

5.
English is the only language used by undocumented boomers; we
have no desire or obligation to learn Spanish.

6. America’s
historic free speech, free love, and anti-war revolutions originated
with activists in the boomer generation.

In keeping with our
tradition of aggressive activism, from time to time it may be necessary
for millions of us to take over the streets of Mexico’s large cities in
order to protest proposed new laws when our "rights" are in jeopardy.

During
such protests, we will wave Old Glory and scream "Yes, we can!" and "We
are Mexico!" in English, as we protest the rule of Mexican law.

All
such activities are valid free speech expressions in a thriving
Democracy. As a consequence, the Mexican government is to take no action
to limit or impede our
protests.

7. We Americans celebrate the 4th of July to
commemorate our independence, and prefer to conduct business as normal
on May 5 and September
16
. Anyone who flies the Mexican flag on July 4 is guilty of an
“incendiary” act, which disrespects American culture and tradition and
which may cause us to riot or engage in other large scale civil
disobedience
.

8. Undocumented boomers shall be licensed to
drive without regard to immigration status. All driver instruction and
testing materials shall be in English.

9. Blood relatives of
undocumented boomers shall be eligible for the same reduced tuition
rates offered to Mexican citizens. Immersion for the purpose of teaching
Spanish is a failed concept and shall not even be attempted.

10.
Undocumented boomers shall be eligible to vote in Mexican elections
without any requirement to prove identity.

11. Grandchildren of
undocumented boomers born in Mexico shall be
Mexican citizens by virtue of their birth, regardless of the
immigration status of their parents and grand parents, and

12.
We are generally quite sensitive and easily offended. Therefore,
Mexicans shall refrain from using terms like "illegal alien," "Red
Neck," "Cracker," or "Gringo" when addressing or talking about us.

In
closing, Mr. President, let me assure you that we will attempt to do
for Mexico what 38 million Mexican illegal aliens are currently doing to
America!

With best regards and wishes for a diverse and free
Mexico!

John Lillpop
San Hose, California

John
W. Lillpop

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